Toddler Tantrums 101: Staying Calm When Your Little One Isn’t

Every parent has been there—the red face, the loud wails, the flailing arms. Tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood, but that doesn’t make them any easier to handle. The good news? With understanding, consistency, and calm, you can turn these emotional storms into teachable moments.

Why Tantrums Happen

According to Raising Children Network (Australia), tantrums are a normal reaction to frustration, tiredness, or hunger—common triggers in children aged 1 to 3. At this age, toddlers haven’t yet developed the language or emotional control to express big feelings in calm ways. (raisingchildren.net.au)

In short, tantrums are not manipulation—they’re communication. When toddlers can’t say, “I’m tired” or “That’s mine,” their emotions come out through behaviour instead.

What the Experts Say

• Professor Julie Green, Executive Director of Raising Children Network, explains that “tantrums are a normal part of development. They happen because toddlers are learning to manage their emotions, and that takes time and support.”

• The Australian Early Development Census also notes that when children experience calm, consistent responses from adults, they learn emotional regulation faster and build better resilience long-term.

• Teachers at Goodstart Early Learning share that naming emotions—saying things like “I see you’re upset because we have to leave the park”—helps toddlers learn the words for their feelings and eventually use them instead of screaming.

Real-Life Classroom Moments

At a Sydney early learning centre, teachers use a “calm corner” when tempers flare. It’s a quiet space with soft cushions, picture books, and calming music. Instead of punishment, children are encouraged to breathe, sit, and name how they feel. Over time, many toddlers begin walking themselves to the calm corner when they feel overwhelmed—a small but powerful sign of self-awareness.

In another centre in Brisbane, educators noticed fewer tantrums after introducing “emotion check-ins.” Each morning, children place their photo under a feeling card—happy, sad, tired, or angry. This small ritual teaches self-awareness and encourages communication before frustrations escalate.

How Parents Can Stay Calm

It’s not easy to stay collected while your toddler is in full meltdown mode, but how you respond matters most. Your calm is contagious.

1. Breathe before reacting. Take a moment to pause and lower your voice instead of raising it. This signals safety, not conflict.

2. Acknowledge, don’t argue. Say what your child feels (“You’re angry we can’t stay longer”) before explaining why. Feeling seen helps toddlers calm down faster.

3. Hold the boundary. You can empathize and stay firm. “I know you want candy, but it’s almost dinner.” Consistency builds trust and understanding.

4. Offer comfort, not control. Sometimes, a hug says more than words. Physical reassurance helps toddlers regulate faster.

5. Reflect after calm returns. Once the storm passes, talk simply about what happened: “Next time, we can use our words.” This builds awareness without shame.

What Works in Early Learning Settings

Australian early childhood educators often use these practical tools to guide emotional learning:

• Emotion cards – to help toddlers match words with feelings.

• Visual schedules – reducing surprise transitions that often trigger tantrums.

• Calm routines – soft music, breathing games, or sensory play when tension rises.

• Teacher modeling – showing calm, patient responses instead of reprimands.

The Bigger Picture

Tantrums don’t mean you’re doing something wrong—they mean your child is growing. Emotional control is learned through hundreds of small moments where adults stay steady when toddlers can’t.

As one early childhood educator in Perth put it:

“Every tantrum is an opportunity to teach, not to punish. When we respond with calm, we show children that big feelings are safe to have—and that they’ll always have someone to help them through.”

Tantrums are temporary, but the lessons they teach last. When parents and teachers respond with calm, empathy, and consistency, toddlers learn the most valuable skill of all: how to handle life’s big emotions with grace.